Discussing Care Wishes with Parents

Discussing care wishes with your parents can be daunting, but it is essential to do this early on. By having open conversations, you give them the opportunity to share their wishes and values. This article provides guidance on how to initiate this conversation and ensure proper preparation.

How do I start the conversation about care wishes?

It can be challenging to start the conversation about care wishes, especially when it comes to parents. It is important to broach this topic before it becomes urgent. Discussing care wishes with parents can provide peace and clarity. Start with an open and honest conversation about what they find important for the future.

Here are some tips to initiate the conversation:

• Choose a quiet moment: Ensure that you won't be distracted.
• Ask open questions: For example, ask what they find important regarding care and treatment.
• Use tools: A wish book or a personal letter can help to put thoughts on paper.
• Involve others: Don't just talk to your parents, but also include other family members or the doctor.

This conversation doesn't have to be long or heavy. Sometimes a short conversation of fifteen minutes is enough to discuss important points. How do you feel about the idea of having this conversation?

What are my parents' values and wishes?

It is important to discuss your parents' care wishes before it becomes urgent. This conversation can help to understand what they find important for their care and treatment. It is not only about their wishes regarding medical care but also about how they want to be remembered and what is valuable to them in their final phase of life.

Start the conversation in a calm manner. Ask your parents which topics they want to discuss and what role you want to play in it. Write down important questions and let them share as much as possible. This can help them maintain control over their own care. If it is difficult to talk, a wish book or a personal letter can also help to put their thoughts on paper.

Make sure to decide together, without taking over the choice. This strengthens their sense of control. For more support and resources, you can visit the samen-beslissen website.

What would you like to discuss with your parents in such a conversation?

How do I involve the general practitioner in the conversation?

It is important to involve the general practitioner in the conversation about your parents' care wishes. This can help to arrange everything properly before it is really needed. Here are a few steps to initiate this conversation:

• Schedule an appointment: Contact the general practitioner to schedule a conversation. This can help to discuss your parents' care wishes and treatment preferences.
• Discuss important topics: Consider issues such as do-not-resuscitate orders, euthanasia, and other care wishes. Ensure that your parents are involved in this conversation.
• Gather information: Ask the general practitioner about the possibilities and what is legally allowed. This can help to clarify your parents' wishes.
• Document the agreements: Record the discussed care wishes so that everyone knows what has been agreed upon.

By following these steps, you can discuss care wishes together with the general practitioner and your parents, ensuring that everything is well arranged for the future. Have you already thought about specific care wishes you want to discuss?

How do I document the care wishes?

To properly document your parents' care wishes, it is important to communicate openly and honestly. Here are some steps you can follow:

• Preparation: Discuss in advance with your parents which topics they want to discuss. Also, ask what role you want to have during the conversation. Write down the most important questions so that you are well prepared.

• Care conversation: During the conversation, it is important that your parents share as much as possible about what is important to them. Add to it with their permission or if that has been agreed upon beforehand. Ask for explanations in plain language and check together which choices have been made.

• Care plan: If your loved one lives in a care facility, there must be a care (living) plan. This plan contains agreements about care and support. It is mandatory to establish this plan within six weeks after the start of care and to discuss it at least twice a year.

By following these steps, you can discuss and document care wishes before it becomes urgent. What do you find important to discuss with your parents?

How often should I repeat this conversation?

It is important to discuss care wishes before it becomes urgent. This conversation is better repeated regularly, especially if your parents' health changes.

How often to repeat?

• With changes in health: If you notice that your parents' situation is changing, it is good to talk again about their care wishes.
• Annually or semi-annually: An annual or semi-annual check can help keep everything up to date.
• With important life events: Think of a hospital admission or a diagnosis that requires more care.

By discussing care wishes, such as treatment preferences and do-not-resuscitate orders, you ensure that your parents receive the care they want. This conversation doesn't have to be long or heavy; sometimes a short conversation of fifteen minutes is enough.

What do you think is a good way to approach this conversation?